Acceptance

I have started this blog over and over in the past  few weeks.  Just  trying to really get my thoughts clear, get my head  clear.  Have you ever  felt like that, like you have turned a corner and you are so excited you want to  share it but just can't make it clear?!?!  That is where  I have been living the past  few weeks, and its great, and frustrating all  at once.

I had an epiphany a few weeks before Thanksgiving.  It was the strangest thing.  I was getting dressed for work, something that happens everyday  and usually triggers some sort of negative thought. Something like, that used to be more  tone or that was firmer once upon a time.  So I'm getting dressed and I look in the mirror and I think, pretty good for 37.  Yep,  37...and normally too this would have bothered me but it didn't, it doesn't.  It instead started this while whirlwind of thoughts and feelings.

The day I got  married I was in the best shape of my life, I will never be like that again.  ow here  is where the change happened...I  will never be like that again NOT because I'm lazy or anything like that....I will never be like that again because I am not that person anymore.   I'm not that young, I don't have the amount of free time I had then,  my body isn't the same...I  have been pregnant, I have rounded another decade, so many things...and you know what?  I'm good  with it.  I accept it.  Not only that, I embrace it.

It's true, I will never have the body I had at 21 again, I  will never have the body I had on my wedding day again...and I am so grateful for that fact!   I will never have it again because  I can be better...I can be healthier and stronger.  When I was younger I could workout for hours, I could run everyday unhindered...but now I have to make time for it.  But  you know what, it has made  me healthier overall.  I may have 10-15 pounds more on my frame right now then I would like, but its okay...because (most) of the food choices that got me there are  FAR better then the ones I made when I was hard(er)-bodied twenty-something.  My metabolism isn't what it used to be...but I can work with that, I can push myself harder...and until I get there, if I get there I'm good with how I am right now.

Starting fresh

I have used this pic before, but feel like right now it is something I really need to think about.  Its been awhile since I posted....I know.  Life is crazy.  we have been busy with soccer camps, dance camp, vacation planning , holiday, birthdays...whew.    Makes me tired just thinking about it.  in all  that chaos, everything has taken a backseat to the schedule.  Sadly, not my schedule.  The kids are so busy, I thought summer would be a nice down time...HA!  Oh well, no rest for the wicked I guess. 

In all this craziness, I have lost myself a bit.   It wasn't until this past weekend though that I really felt it.  I was flying high last week when I was recognized at CVS by a woman in my neighborhood (who I had never  met) as being "that runner."  WHOA!  I don't think I ever was recognized for  that outside of my days on the track in school.  I was elated!  especially since I haven't been out to pound the pavement in a few weeks...again  schedule, but to be fair also weather, from near 100  degree  days to  tornado inducing storms. 

Anyways fast forward from that fabulous day to Saturday.  We  are leaving for vacation in
 days, exactly 3 weeks from today (not that I am counting or anything).  We  have planned a primarily beach vacation.   This is our first time dedicating so much time to relaxing and our first  beach themed  vacation, so we  are new to the planning process. 

I have a bathing suit that I love.  It fits perfectly,  the colors are fun and bright, but as my hubby pointed out...it is one bathing suit.  One bathing suit for a week  long beach vacation seemed silly.  I mean, I had made sure the girls each had AT LEAST  two suits each to take so they could alternate from day to day...but I can honestly say the thought never occurred to me that I should do the same for myself.  Buying bathing suits has always, I mean ALWAYS, been hard.   It is the only time I truly feel like I could just burst into  tears while shopping.  I start the process feeling like

I find something cute, and "suitable" to me after scouring the racks for  what feels like an eternity, and then I take those slow,  lead filled steps into the dressing room.  I strip off my layer of protective clothing, you know, the stuff that strategically hides and camouflages in all the right spots just as  you planned.  Then I step into one of the new bathing suits, which 9 times out of 10 makes me feel like

This past shopping  excursion I left after trying on 2 suits, with  1 in hand at the check out.  It fit.   That is all I can really say about it.  It fit. the  top is not what I wanted, the colors seemed off, but it fit so I was done with the terror.  We  left the mall and went to one last store.  Ahhhh the feeling of

As we drove to  the last stop of  the day,  my husband asked me why I was being so hard on myself?  Who I was comparing myself to?  This made me stop and think.  Who  AM I comparing myself to?  I was mad because  I had been working so hard since before the new year to get in shape, to look better and stronger...and then I let a few  lazy weeks derail me mentally.  I mean,  I can see  on the scale that the numbers haven't changed.  I can still button all my pants the same way I could a month ago,   but for some reason...just KNOWING how lazy I have been lately with my workouts and not logging my food,  completely changed how I saw myself in the mirror. 

We  walked into the last store and no more then 2 minutes in I  saw a bathing suit that was SO cute.  My hubby was like,  buy it.  This last store was  one of those bulk stores so they don't have fitting rooms,  which was a good thing and a bad  thing.  I took Mini  Me to find out the price on the suit and found another suit I liked just as much.  One was a skirt bottom and one was shorts.  Turned out the price for both was  the same was what I spent on 1 at the last store...so why not.  PLUS I could go home and try it on in the comfort of my house.

My mindset was to try on both and decide which I liked (if either) and return the other PLUS return the first.  I tried on the first one and was shocked.  I. Loved. It.  I mean, I looked good in it.  I paraded, yes paraded  downstairs into the kitchen to show my hubby.  he liked  it too.   back upstairs   and into suit two.  Same thing!  LOVED IT!  Did my parade strut again.  Now,  the great thing is that Mini me helped pick 2 suits in the same  color schemes  so I paraded around 2 more times after changing bottoms with tops to show all four looks.  It was such a different experience. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  I can still see where I have lost a little tone...but that is something I can fix.  I KNOW I have made a few bad food choices lately, but again...I can change and fix that too.   I am feeling better about me again, and that is what counts.

I kept telling myself...sit down and write.  You will feel better if you get it out, but honestly, I couldn't even do that.  I was in such a shame spiral that I didn't want to write.  Didn't feel like I deserved  to have you read the words that would come out.  I sometimes feel like I need  to be happy all the time in my writings and inspire whoever I can whenever I can when I hit that publish button...but realistically...we all have bad days...weeks...maybe even years.  It's how you deal with them and how you move on.

My husband telling me that I was too hard on myself and that I looked good helped me turn a corner.  Sometimes a girl just needs to be reminded of that...and now I'm back.  Going from feeling like a zero to my own personal hero!  We  still have three weeks baby...I  am SO going to rock my bathing suits!  I had a few  bad weeks...I don't have  to start over, I have to start fresh.  Fresh mindset, fresh goals,  fresh love of myself!



 

Class Act

My place of employment is offering a bunch of great incentives as part of their wellness initiative. One is that we can get money back for participating in various classes.  This week is week 3 of 8 that I will be attending a stress management and resilience class.  I an also starting a 12 week nutrition and exercise class.  If we complete the classes we get $100 per class at the end of the year.  How's THAT for incentive?!?!

I am excited to see what the nutrition and exercise class offers.  I am hoping to be able to really implement a lot of it into my daily life, especially the nutrition information.  I feel like we are working hard on making better choices, but would love to learn more about the science of healthy choices and work on that as well. 

As for the stress management, it is going well.  We have learned various breathing techniques (many of which I already knew from my voice training), we are also talking a lot about being mindful of ourselves.  We are encouraged to journal about things, and I thought what better platform for that then right here. 

I have to admit, I am struggling with this class some. The teacher is great and the content is amazing but I didn't really want to take the class right now, but my boss did.  Then she guilted me into doing it because she is so stressed and wouldn't do it alone. Now I almost dread the classes because I have to go sit for an hour trying to relax but being very aware of my boss and her "stress" next to me (we can't sit separately) and then for the remainder of the afternoon about how she is "being mindful" of this or that (mindfulness was last weeks topic). 

I don't know that I will be any less stresses at the end of this, but at least I will have tools in my arsenal to practice outside of work hours.  Hopefully, THAT can help!

Love the Skin You Are In GIVEAWAY!!!

Hello friends, today is a big day for so many reasons!!!  I have been bursting at the seams to share some INCREDIBLE news with you all and today I get to spill the beans!  Yours truly has been asked (and graciously and humbly accepted the offer) to join forces with two ah-may-zing women over at The Journey!!  I will be joining their incredible blog team (as well as keeping my little love affair here) as of today!  I am SO excited!  I have mentioned Cori and Jessica here before, they are the brain trust behind the small changes big picture challenge I have been doing over the past 11 weeks, and I have to say this is a challenge that really just clicked for me!  It has been eye opening, inspiring, challenging, frustration, amazing...and the changes I am seeing in my everyday life and how I look at food and fitness and most importantly my SELF has changed so much...for the better!  Make sure you stop by and check us out on wordpress and over at Facebook. 

Awesome day right?!?  But it gets better.  What?  how can that be you ask?  Well I will tell you, we are doing a giveaway here on W&M.  One of the things I absolutely love about social media is reconnecting with bold friends and helping them to share in their successes since you have seen them last.  Well, my friend Amanda has landed herself a sweet gig.  She is the VP of Marketing and Operations at Hylunia.  Haven't heard of it?  Well, you will right now.   As I posted back in December, it has been one DRY winter.  I have been drinking my water, using my Palmers, but still I can see the effects (sadly not good ones) the cold and dry has been taking on my skin...especially my face.  BOO!

So I decided to reach out to my long lost friend Amanda to see if she would be interested in sending some goodies for me to test and review with the option of a GIVEAWAY!  She agreed and we were on our way.  So, let me tell you first of all...I am not generally a believer in overnight success stories as much as I would like to believe that I will see those last ten pounds melt away after one workout...I know what reality is.  Well, that idea, that notion that overnight wonders can't happen has been shattered.  Enter the Hylunia Beyond Complex C.   I swear, after two days I look younger.  It's my own little miracle in a bottle.  So much so that I actually asked for one more bottle to give to one of you.  My skin feels amazing after I out this on, two TINY little pea sized amounts twice a day and I feel like I am looking younger (if you can ignore the gray "sparkles" that are getting colored over tonight).  It has quickly become my favorite weapon in my arsenal.  I just feel good after I out it on. 

Awesome stuff right?  Well that's not all.  She also sent me some Healing and Restoring Cream.  This stuff is just off the charts awesome!  My skin has been beyond dry this winter, but my oldest also has a minor case of eczema and we are seeing an improvement already!  In just a few short weeks. It's soothing and has a wonderful scent and just makes me feel calm and pampered. 

In a world where SO many things are fake, I love that this is a high quality product that offers a holistic approach to skin care.  It's vegan friendly, gluten-free, cruelty-free, fragrance, phosphate and paraben free!  It is full of safe, organic and natural ingredients and delivers results!

Now it is your turn!  With Valentine's Day coming up we think of those people we want to share our love with and make them feel special...well don't forget YOURSELF!!  It is important to love yourself and you DESERVE a little pampering just for you! 

Good luck!!

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Image IS Everything

     Over the past few weeks I have been giving a lot of thought to body image.  I have noticed how much better I feel about myself and how I look after a few good workouts.  This whole foot surgery business has gotten me down.  I have not been good about my workout routine, at least not as good as I was.  I have felt flabby and lazy which has made me angry and sad and hard to live with.  Add to this the pressure of going on vacation (not quite at the fitness point I had hoped for by then), and the Olympics!  It's a perfect storm for self doubt.  I have to admit though, the vacation part was eye opening to me.
     I am not the type of person that flaunts regardless of what kind of shape I am in.  I tend to hear my mother's voice in the back of my head when I get dressed with the new addition of my oldest daughter (who has made it clear that she NEVER wants me to be dressing like a teenager) so I tend to err on the side of caution with my fashion choices.  I have a selection of what I consider to be classic pieces that I have stuck by over the years.  Granted when I started losing weight (before my wedding especially) I did try to highlight my nipped in waist and tone(r) legs...but never just putting it out there. 
     When we were on vacation, I reached a point where I asked my husband "Am I a snob or a prude about fashion?" and his answer was "yes."  I caught myself silently judging people in clothing that I didn't think was right for their body type.  SHAME ON ME!  Then, as I skirted around a pool in my skirted little bathing suit I thought to myself...who am I to judge?  I don't know their stories.  They obviously have far better body image then I do, and instead of silently chastising their choices I should be applauding them and trying to emulate them more.  It was a  great learning experience for me.  It reminded me that you don't have to be the societal picture of perfection.  You do have to be comfortable in your own skin (no matter how much or how little) and that was the part I was missing.