The Big Picture

Over the past few weeks, while working on and trying to make sure I keep up with our Fit Family Challenge, I have really taken pause and looked at things in a more "big picture" way.  It's funny to me how little things, like making sure I get SOME movement in each day, can really change your perspective and how you look at things.  

When my youngest was born, I hated the fact that we weren't in a position where I could be a stay at home mom.  What if I missed something?  What if we weren't as close as she grew up as I had been dreaming we would be?   Why did my BFF get to stay home and not me?  These were questions that ran through my mind all.the.time.  But there was no changing how our life was, so it was something I learned to deal cope with, and it was hard.

What it did give me though was the ability to appreciate every moment we did/do spend together and the hope that things would eventually change.  I got a better job, the hours were better....I thought this was my time.  Mini me started pre-school and things were good.  Once she was in kindergarten though, I was back to feeling upset and angry.  My job changed some, which meant my hours changed and no the ream of mini being a car rider every day was gone.  We had to enroll her in extended care, and I hated everyday of it.  The first few weeks she cried everyday when she got there.  Now, she was generally only there for 30 minutes, but the tears broke my heart.

I had to find the silver lining.  My job was better than before, a little more money coming in, the schedule change forced me to take time for me everyday...and I used that time to exercise.  I started walking everyday for an hour.  I would grab my phone, listen to a book on tape and could generally crank out 3-3.5 miles in that hour.  When I had blood work done after a while, my numbers were all better, and I was feeling less stressed, but still guilty.

This daily moving though spurred me to do more at home which got everyone moving more.  The hubs and I would take turns exercising while the other played with the kiddos.  It was a nice routine, but I still longed for those SAHM perks.  Enter the opportunity I had been waiting for.  I was unhappy with work and all the changes that continued to happen, especially the workload increase ion everyone and the expectation that we would just take it and deal.  It was bad for morale and EVERYONE was unhappy.  That's a hard envirnoment to work in, my outlet other than my daily walk was to scan employment postings.  And that where I found my cha-ching!  

The job I am in now is, well a blessing.  I honestly don't know how else to explain it.  For the first time in 15 years I am working with someone who appreciates having school aged children at home and who puts family first the same way I do.  For the first time in 15 years, I can call in and say..."Hey, we have a parent program at school today" without a knot in my stomach for fear of the repercussions.  For the first tie since mini was born, I feel like I have the perks of a SAHM...she is a car rider both ways to school, she can do activities after school at 4:30 because Mom can be there and get her there, I can make my older daughters 5:00 soccer games, I can go to room parties, book fairs, volunteer in the classroom...all because of this blessing that is my new job.

This also means that I have a LOT more time after school to be active with my family.  We can do more nature walks, bike rides, swimming..all because we aren't getting home in time for dinner to get started.  We get home WAY before that!  It means being able to help teach mini how to ride without training wheels on a weeknight!  It means dropping her off at 4:30 dance class while Big Sis is at soccer, and mom getting in a much needed run.

Looking at how our life is, right now, in this moment, has allowed me to see the big picture...and I tell you what, I wouldn't change it for anything!  I have the best of both worlds.  My own sense of worth in my job career, and my sense of feeling like a great mom and wife! 

Fit Family Challenge and a new twist

I found this picture online courtesy of Poppy over at Facing40 and thought, how perfect that this shows up on my radar right now.  Ultimately, this is my goal.. I have two daughters, one that is a full fledged teen going into high school in a few short weeks and one that truly is my little sponge.  Dad and I can say LOTS of things, but a s mother...as a woman, I am the person their sweet and crazy little estrogen filled minds will look to first.  This is why I try and keep myself accountable.  I want to be healthy for me of course...to feel good and be comfortable in the skin I'm in...but I also want to be a good example to my girls (that and the added bonus that the healthier I am, the longer I can make them crazy in these lives of ours) LOL.

I am VERY proud to say that we are five days into the Fit Family Challenge in our house and we are still going strong.  Even the pup has been getting more exercise as we have been taking her on our hikes and letting her swim in the river.  Here is a recap of what we have done so far:

Day 1: Swimming in the pool
Day 2: Swimming in the pool
Day 3: 2.75 mile bike ride (Mini me was feeling rough by the end of this one)
Day 4: Swimming in the pool
Day 5: Hike in the woods

Now some of these days had overlapping things...we hiked a few days actually, but yesterday that was our main exercise.  I feel like whatever is our main source of focus with exercise is what we will track.  It makes me feel pretty good seeing how well we are doing, and this is NOT counting that fact that I have been pretty good with my step goals too. 

I have been so proud of us that I forgot part of the other side of this coin, and that is where my new "twist" comes in.  As a woman getting closer each year to the big 4-0, I have seen this change in my metabolism.  It is not the rapid fire friend of my 20's, not even the still chugging along friend of my early 30's.  It has gotten slower, and to me it feels like it has gotten S--L--O--W--E--R.  This is hard when you have been pretty blessed in this arena for the better part of a 15 years.  My metabolism has always been there to keep my happy despite what I achieved in the exercise arena.  Well, no more I say.  This brings me to the new "twist" I am adding to my version of our fit family challenge.

I am generally pretty good about tracking my food on MFP.  But lately I have gotten into the habit of allowing the hard work I do with my workouts allow me more food.  Like if my goal is 1400 cals/day, and I burn 300 working out...I have gotten into the habit of allowing myself 1700 for the day.  And where this is OK, I know, it's not helping me remove those last few pounds I want to remove.  And when getting on the scale I also am taking into account that with the renewed dedication to working out I have to allow for some influx with muscle rebuild, I still need to be better about the choices I am making and the indulgences I am allowing. 

Today I start fresh with MFP and I am aiming to eat the allotted calories for me each day.  No more, no less (well not too many less...I need the fuel to workout out).  I am committed to doing this for a week and see how I feel and how successful I am.

If you have any great family fitness ideas, please share them!  I love swimming and getting some laps in, but I need a little variety as well.  And with soccer this week for the big kid and dance camp for the little, finding time to get to the pool will be tricky for me. 

Time keeps on marchhing

Wow...I can't believe I haven't taken the time to sit and write anything since February.  Shame on me,  right?!?!  It has been a crazy few months of ups and downs and emotions and...wow is all I can really say.

First and foremost, my hubby's  back.    We are (finally) successfully two weeks post-op  today.  The difference is amazing.  He was in pain for so  long, and it was heart breaking to watch.  The idea that no matter what  I did,  nothing could make him feel better.  This road was a long one, but amazingly brought us so much closer together.  I would never  wish what he went through on anyone, especially for the length of time that  he was suffering, but honestly...the new appreciation we both have for each other  is beyond  words.

I have always known that he was the driving force behind me, behind being better, stronger, more present in our relationship...but I didn't realize how much it affected me until the past few months.  In my exhaustion of running the kids everywhere...not an exaggeration, it reached the point where being in the car  too long,  or standing/sitting in certain places was unbearable for him so I became the primary chauffeur and errand  runner.   When physical  things needed done around the house, I was the one taking on the majority of the work.  When I would feel defeated or exhausted or at my wits end, I would get a text from him reminding me how much he loved me and how much he appreciated everything I was doing.

He pushed the kids to be more independent to allow time for me to take care of me too.  Squeeze in workouts,  help out with chores, anything and everything.  Now that he is on the mend, the  family mindset has been changed  for  the better.  My 5 year old asked me when we were going for a run the other day.  What?!?!  Amazing!  My thirteen year  old asked to go through and use my workout tapes.  What?!?!  Once we get the okay from the doc, the plan is to renew the whole family 's  membership plan for the rec center and get into a  habit of exercise everyday...for ALL OF US!  I love it!

I have had so many moments over the past few  months where I was so moved by something, or so worried that I thought, I should write about this...but  then when I would sit down to start...fear would take over  my heart.  My biggest  fear being what if something goes wrong.  As the supportive and loving spouse you focus on the positive.  You reassure your husband that things will be great, the light is at the end of the tunnel (not THAT light fear factor), we will take control of  our lives again!  But everywhere I turned there was bad.  Sat to watch Grey's  the week before and two healthy, strong police officer die end  of brain dead from throwing clots in surgery.  Not what I needed to hear right then, people asking a bout the surgery and the look  of fear when they found out how extensive it was going to be...great,  thanks peeps!

Our surgeon is amazing!  He was reassuring, calm and present, it made  me feel better just talking with him before hand.  The kiddos sat with me so patiently in the OR waiting room, along with my parents and my MIL.  Such good girls.  They have really been shining stars through  this  whole thing.


And today,  2 weeks post op, my honey is driving the girls to school.  He cleaned up the garage some yesterday, helped  do  yard work,   walked the Botanical Gardens.  We are  all working on building our endurance again, and we are  doing it as a team!  All  four of us actively  engaged.  We have had moments  like this, but  they have always been fleeting...I think we are finally all on the same page.  We are all focused on the right things.   My 5 year old even wants her own fitbit.  HA  I think we may invest in the kidfit...any thoughts or experiences out there with that.

Today, I am taking a deep breath and being thankful.  I  am thankful for my family,  my health and my blessings. How are you starting over  today?

Acceptance

I have started this blog over and over in the past  few weeks.  Just  trying to really get my thoughts clear, get my head  clear.  Have you ever  felt like that, like you have turned a corner and you are so excited you want to  share it but just can't make it clear?!?!  That is where  I have been living the past  few weeks, and its great, and frustrating all  at once.

I had an epiphany a few weeks before Thanksgiving.  It was the strangest thing.  I was getting dressed for work, something that happens everyday  and usually triggers some sort of negative thought. Something like, that used to be more  tone or that was firmer once upon a time.  So I'm getting dressed and I look in the mirror and I think, pretty good for 37.  Yep,  37...and normally too this would have bothered me but it didn't, it doesn't.  It instead started this while whirlwind of thoughts and feelings.

The day I got  married I was in the best shape of my life, I will never be like that again.  ow here  is where the change happened...I  will never be like that again NOT because I'm lazy or anything like that....I will never be like that again because I am not that person anymore.   I'm not that young, I don't have the amount of free time I had then,  my body isn't the same...I  have been pregnant, I have rounded another decade, so many things...and you know what?  I'm good  with it.  I accept it.  Not only that, I embrace it.

It's true, I will never have the body I had at 21 again, I  will never have the body I had on my wedding day again...and I am so grateful for that fact!   I will never have it again because  I can be better...I can be healthier and stronger.  When I was younger I could workout for hours, I could run everyday unhindered...but now I have to make time for it.  But  you know what, it has made  me healthier overall.  I may have 10-15 pounds more on my frame right now then I would like, but its okay...because (most) of the food choices that got me there are  FAR better then the ones I made when I was hard(er)-bodied twenty-something.  My metabolism isn't what it used to be...but I can work with that, I can push myself harder...and until I get there, if I get there I'm good with how I am right now.